Why I'm glad my kid has a speech delay, F@*k Cancer pt.1

Most people can understand Ada now.  But two years ago, no way.  It didn't hinder her all that much with other 3-year olds.  She had tons of friends.  But we knew she wasn't making the verbal progress she needed to be making, so we asked her pediatrician for a referral to a speech therapist at her 3-year check up.

Truthfully, I don't remember where we were in the process, but not long before the time that I'm getting ready to tell you about, we had gotten an email.  The kind of email that makes you sit down and hug your kids and feel so very horrible for people you can't quite remember.  One of Ada's classmates in her two-year old room, Ben P., had been diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer, Pleuropulmonary  Blastoma (PPB), and the room mother wrote to let everyone know what was going on. 

Anyway, at this particular visit, it may have even been the intake for the speech therapy, we had just finished, and were out looking at the model train, which was then in its infancy (and now has become very cool).  While we were watching it, a family walked out with one of the therapists (OT?  PT?  I never found out), who talked to them for a little while, as their adorable little boy watched the train with us.  She said good bye to them, adding, "Good-bye, Benjamin!"  I don't know why, because as those of you who know me know, I am the hugest introvert in the whole world, and for me to approach a stranger is one of the most difficult things I can do, but nevertheless, I just felt like that was probably the boy from Ada's class (those of you who are good at making friends at pick up and drop off, bully for you- I'm lucky if I can remember what my kids look like, much less the other kids, much much less the other kids' parents!!), so I asked if that was Ben P., and lo-and-behold it was.  We talked for a bit, and I asked how things were going (shitty, obviously, when your kid has cancer.)  He was getting ready to go into Phoenix Childrens' for some procedure or another, and I was just heartbroken for these people and this kid I didn't even know.

So time passed, as it does.  We saw them at Disney on Ice, probably before he went in the hospital.  Then he had all sorts of crummy things happen, which no one should ever have to go through, much less a three-year old boy.  He got through them, though, and got better, a little, and we started having play dates.  And Ada and Zane just adored him.  Ada was, and still is, to some extent, picky in the friend department.  But when she decides you are her friend, there is no getting around it.  You are HERS.  And Ben?  He was HERS.

More to come.

Ada and Ben, March 2010.

Straight A's!

So, yeah.  She rocked their socks off.  And is staying put.  So all is right in the world, at least for now.  Not that there isn't still a pit in the depths of my stomach, because the conference wasn't exactly 100% comforting, even though the report card, right there in black in white?  That's kind of proof that I am right, that she is where she needs to be.  But even if she isn't, if things change in a few months, we'll survive.  She is so happy where she is right now, the thought of pulling her out was literally keeping me awake at night (don't worry, I've found something else to keep me awake!)

Anyway, things are back to "normal".  Lots more for her to learn.  I think she'll do great.  The fidgeting ... well, it'll come.  Eventually.  She may be a fidgety kid.  She may get better as she gets older and more used to the classroom setting.  Who knows.  Right now, I think she's fine, even though she isn't getting perfect marks in "citizenship" - it's not like she's doing anything really wrong, like some of the other kids (hitting, calling names, throwing rocks at other kids, etc.).  She's just a little wiggly in her seat.  I'll take that any day.

So hip hip hooray, straight A's on her first report card.  And this is accelerated A's, they run from 94-100, so .. well, I'm just proud as punch.  I didn't expect them, and really, it's kindergarten, but still.  That's my girl!

Kinder-woes

Well, good golly miss molly, it's been a long time.  I know the pressing question is- how is kinder-oh-my-god-garten?  The first thing that comes to mind- ROLLER-freakin'-COASTER.  As in, I had no idea. 

From the beginning, in case you haven't been playing along.

Ada is 4 years, 10 months (as of today)- so she theoretically is an "early start".  Many kindergartens in Arizona don't let 4-year olds in kindergarten at all, for any reason at all.  Given Ada's smarts, we've been kicking around the kindergarten question for the past 9 months or so, and had kind of decided to keep her at her private (aka, $$$) Montessori school, but to put her in the kindergarten class, and to do either one or two years in the kindergarten, depending on how she did after the first year.  Then... oh, maybe mid-June?  Early July?  I don't remember.  We went back to the idea of the school she is at now, which we had checked out in January.  It's a "parent's choice" school, back-to-basics, accelerated curriculum.  We had to wait until just a few days before school started to enroll her, to make sure there were spots for the 4-year olds.  And it really seemed like the right decision, because in my head, anyway, Ada would function well with the type of structure her school offered.

So she had her first day, and loved it.  And her first week, and her second week.  And yes, she was having some issues with writing her letters because she's a lefty, and doesn't quite have penmanship down, but heck, she's 4.  And I started spending some time in the classroom, both helping and observing, and noted that she was also having trouble staying in her seat, but heck, she's 4, and lots of other kids were having much worse problems, like not only getting out of their seats, but getting out of their seats and punching other kids, or running around, or going out the doors, or screeching.  And yes, she sometimes has trouble paying attention, getting her work done in class, but she's 4.  And since I'm in the classroom so much, I saw that she wasn't the only one.

But.  Oh, but.  Two or three weeks in, I guess it was three, I was finishing up my volunteer shift, and Ada's teacher started talking.  And the gist of what she was saying was that she was against 4-year olds being in kindergarten.  She started quoting studies.  She mentioned all her experience teaching different grades, and how 4-year olds had trouble later on, especially in this kind of accelerated program.  I know it is an overreaction, but it was like a punch in the gut.  Like I had failed, and failed badly.  Like I had put my daughter into a situation in which she was destined to fail.  And obviously, if her teacher feels so strongly that 4-year olds shouldn't be in kindergarten, it very well may be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, lots has transpired in the few weeks since then.  Ada is still at that school, and frankly is doing just fine.  She loves it there, and I still don't know what we will do.  I have spoken with the principal and the teacher.  I have looked at other schools.  I have considered homeschooling, and have looked into resources for that.  Our options are- leave Ada where she is, and possibly do a second year of kindergarten there next year.  This, I think, is a bad option.  She will be so aware that all her friends have moved on and will have the work down-pat.  All that will have transpired is that she will have matured in the year, which yes, is important, but I think that would not be ideal.  Another option is to put her in another kindergarten, a "normal" kindergarten, and then bring her back to this kindergarten next year.  I think that would be ok.  I do think the educational background at the current kindergarten is sound, and the K-6 program is a great one.  A "normal" kindergarten would give her a year to mature, work on kindergarten stuff, and then she can do the advanced curriculum next year.  Third option, if I don't get a job, do some homeschooling, plus have her go back to the three half day special-ed preschool for speech therapy through Mesa school district.  Fourth option (which I am leaning heavily towards), have her go to a public Montessori kindergarten this year (I'm checking it out tomorrow), and back to current school next year.

The grading period ends this week.  We will make a decision then.  She is doing great, truthfully, and it feels weird to even think about pulling her, but I can understand the reasoning behind it.  I dunno.  Bleh.  Just bleh. 

Two weeks!

We made it two weeks!  Well, two weeks of Zane's new preschool, and we even had two days of NO CRYING AT DROPOFF, oh my heavens.  So the smart thing to do?  Yeah, change his schedule which means changing his room, so he'll now have new teachers and new "friends".  He will thank me for this some day, and maybe the new room will be better about teaching him the Latin verb stuff.

Ada has made it through 8 days of kinder-oh-my-god-garten, and while I know it is a huge change for her, and is very very hard to get used to, she has been a champ.  She has to not only learn all these new rules, like sitting still for a goodly portion of the day (as was pointed out to me last night, hard for an adult, much less a kid, duh, how did I not think of that, I just figured "wouldn't it be nice to have a classroom full of still kids?"), but also all these REAL things she is learning, the reading and the writing and the math, and apparently the social studies and science.  And computers and music and PE and art.  And recess.  And how to report bullying, because holy moly, there are some rough kids in that class!

I know you have all seen this lament already, but we went to a party last night.  Of mostly childless and/or single people.  Of whom I apparently know NONE of any more.  You think I do bad at parties normally, where I can at least fall back on how my kid sleeps so much worse than your kid, or here's a remedy for getting blood out of your kid's new white dress, or oh, did you hear about how Ms. Smith at the old preschool got fired for losing it at that really rotten kid Johnny, and I can't believe someone didn't get fired before that, and his parents really should have done something about him a long time agoooooo..... oh shit, you're his mom, aren't you....... I need another drink.  Anyway, yeah, none of that.  I had none of that to fall back on.  It was still fun, but yeah, I think I at least need to start watching "Real Housewives" or something.  That's a TV show, right?

But right now, I think we might survive.  We have thrown swim and gymnastics back into the mix, and it wasn't horrid (well, not TOO horrid), but my bright idea of adding Girl Scouts and maybe piano?  Yeah.  Not living vicariously through my child this year.  At least for a few months, until she's really in the swing of things.  But by then, maybe we will be a two-income family again, and won't have time for all these activities anyway?  Maybe?  It's possible?  That's the idea, anyway.  Wish me luck.

The blog that I should have invented, btw, "World's Worst Moms" is celebrating their birthday, and giving away a really cute necklace.  Which I kind of want, so don't enter the giveaway, but go check them out anyway, every now and then someone posts something that makes my parenting skills seem *almost* ok.

So all this to say, change is hard on all of us, we have more change coming up, but we'll manage just fine, thankyouverymuch.  ETOH helps.  Me, not them.

 Rocket scientist.

BUBBLES!!!

Random Tuesday Edition, 8/16

Stacy, still hosting.  Still da bomb.


Oh my god, is it college yet?  I don't think I can survive 14 more years of this.
Kindergarten.  Holy .. well, fill in the blank, but yeah.   That one.
And I thought I was starting to pull it all together.  Man, I am freaking hilarious!  Or is the correct term "delusional"?
Seriously, that's all.

On surviving the first week of Kindergarten (just barely), and Ivy-prep pre-school

In no particular order.

• Ada started Kinder-oh-my-god-garten on Wednesday.  
• I did not call a million times, or even once, to see how she was doing.
• I did call once, to see if I could help in the lunch room, and was told that they were sure they had enough helpers, thankyouverymuch.  
• So I quietly, or maybe not so quietly, freaked out at home.  Sure that she was starving, not eating, unsure what to do, lost in the big bad cafeteria.
• I know they needed more help, because I *was* signed up to help yesterday and today, and they need lots and lots of help.
• But she probably didn't starve the first day.
• Much.

• She was very excited to take the bus again, so despite the bus stop being a car ride away, and adding about an hour or more to her day, we agreed.  After the first day, I was pretty sure it wouldn't last - the kid that got off the bus was a very very different one than the one I was used to seeing, even in some of her worst states.  Day #2 confirmed this, and she got off the bus, very disheveled, probably having just woken up, all sweaty, a little teary, and informed me that she did NOT want to ride the bus ANY MORE.  Even though Good Friend B rides the bus a little in the afternoon, and she NEVER passes up an opportunity to hang with Good Friend B. 
• Our first drop off this morning was a bit of a disaster, because I did not ask a million questions about the procedure, because I was sure I knew what the procedure was- you drive your car to the long long line, where the nice aide unloads your child, and  they have a helper walk the little ones to their class.
• Nope.  I know no one cares what the actual procedure is, but that is not it at this school.  Or I guess it kind of can be if you hit it at exactly the right time, but mostly not. 
• And so I asked lots of questions about pick up.  Guess what?  Almost as bad.  Ada and I both got yelled at, because her seat is on the driver's side, and it never occurred to me that as she was walking behind the car as I was opening her door that the car behind me might squash her into a bajillion pieces, but it did occur to the aide who was helping the kids find their cars.  So we have to move her seat to the passenger's side, or at least have Zane ride in her seat for pick ups, and I know there will be much gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.
• I am SO not the valedictorian of kindergarten transportation. 

• I did help out in the lunchroom yesterday and today.  First of all, wow, some parents really pack a bunch of crap for their kids.  To be fair, others did a great job.  But it was really heart-breakingly sweet to see all the 4- and 5-year olds navigate the cafeteria system, eat their lunch, try to figure out how to socialize at the same time, etc.  I'm not sure that my being there really did Ada any favors, as she was pretty clingy, but I won't be there every day, and it was only for 45 minutes or so.  And I feel better now knowing how things work there, like knowing that if she is buying milk, that we need to send a straw because she has a hard time drinking out of the carton.  
• Yes, I do worry about her drinking 6 oz vs. 4 oz of milk. Because she will probably forget to drink water later on and dehydrate right there on the playground. 

• As for the work, so far, it's a piece of cake, and even Zane can complete her assignments.  We'll see how it goes.  The speech therapist has not started yet, hopefully we'll hear from her next week.

• And oh  yes, Zane.  He started his new preschool, the one that is a lot like the one that Ada went to from 6 weeks old until 3 years, almost 4.  Maybe a little better, a little less corporate, a little more personalized (except during drop off this morning, but that is a whole other story that was just indicative of this morning's total screwiness and not worth mentioning, so I don't know why I did).
• He attended his other preschool for... hmmmm... close to a year?  And had maybe one or two drop offs where he didn't totally freak out.  He went only 2 days a week most of that time, but he went all day.  Now he is going 5 days a week, for "classroom" time only, so just 2 1/2 hours in the morning.  I am a freaking genius.
• Anyway, five days in, drop-offs are still awful, today was one of the worst, but it wasn't really his fault, there were a variety of factors conspiring against us including Ada's crummy drop-off.  I'm hoping that the regularity of going every day will make the drop-off much easier, because ohhhhh, the tears!  The screams!  And that's just the teachers.  It's awful.  They say he calms down and has fun, and he certainly looks like he's having fun when I pick him up, but it's hard right now.
• And he still hasn't learned to conjugate a single Latin verb, so I'm not really sure how good this school actually is.

Anyway, we survived.  Mostly.  Thank god swim and gymnastics were closed this week, we'll see what happens when we're back in full swing next week.  I have a feeling that something's going to have to go, and that makes me sad.  But we'll see.  

Random Tuesday, the Jerry Edition, 8/9

Check out Stacy, who continues to host and rebel with style.

Well, yes, there are still a number of hours before Thing # 1 starts KINDEROHMYGODGARTEN, so I can be calm (HAHHAHA), and take a moment to reflect.  In between freaking out.  Which I am doing.  Right now.  See?

So.  What were you doing 16 years ago today?  I know there's a few of you who remember.  I remember.  I had worked closing at the restaurant the night before, and gone out after work with my lovely co-workers/hooligans.  Probably got home at a reasonable hour, like 1 a.m. or so.  I didn't have to be in until 5:30 p.m. (yes, I remember this).  So I was PISSED when Mike woke me up.  Because I was tired.  Surprisingly, I don't remember the time, but I know it was well before 9:30 a.m.  Probably even in the 8:00 hour.  Ungodly.  Before I could start fussing, which really, wouldn't have been all that bad, he told me.  And really, I didn't understand what he was saying.  I thought I was still asleep, and that, haha, oh good, I'm still asleep!  No one had the audacity to wake me up, because what he just said made no sense, and so obviously I'm not awake.  But he just sat there, looking at me, knowing what was coming.  I processed.  I asked him to repeat.  He repeated.  I processed some more.  I got stuck on that denial stage of the grieving process, because it MADE NO SENSE.  We sat there.  For a long time.  Just sat there.  I don't know when the tears started, but they did.  And we sat there.  I don't know when he called the shop to tell them he'd probably be a little late, but he did.  And we sat there.  I think we sat there for hours.  Or at least I did.  I know he went into work, truthfully it wasn't as big a deal to him, but I was, so he sat with me for a while.  And I sat there.  The phone rang a few times, I couldn't bear to answer it.  People were leaving messages, had I heard?  Was I going to work?  Had I heard about the drum circle that was going on at the river?  HAD I HEARD, OH MY GOD, WHY WASN'T I PICKING UP THE PHONE?
I contemplated not going in to work.  But I did.  There were ... I want to say four of us ... who were "Deadheads", two of us who had done tour (me and one other).  The other one had called out.  I think one guy with whom I could commiserate was there that night.  Every time we passed one another in the kitchen or at the bar, we'd just keep repeating the same thing over and over, and I don't even remember what it was, but I know it was something like.... "really?  What's going to happen?  How is this possible?"
So that's what I was doing 16 years ago. The amazing Jillsmo has her own recollection, and a brilliant post right here, please go read it to get a feel for what the whole experience was like, what being a Deadhead was like... what being part of that community was like.  I can't even begin to do it justice, but she nailed it.
I posted this a few weeks ago on Facebook for some reason or another, and it's always my go-to Jerry song nowadays.  So I'm posting it again, because, 16 years later, he's still gone.

• So.  You made it this far.  We met the Kindergarten(OHMYGOD) teacher today.  She is a sweet older lady, and I guess all we can do now is just wait and see what happens.  I know she'll be fine, and if she's not, it won't kill anyone if we put her back in Montessori for another year. 
• Thing #2 has started super fantastic preschool, and although he isn't conjugating Latin verbs yet, I think it's going rather well, except for drop-offs, which are not his strong suit.  He told me yesterday that he needed an extra finger, and I was a little confused (he's 27 months old, remember).  Then I remembered that they learn a sign every week (sign language), and he had been trying to manipulate his hand into whatever this week's sign is, I think, and obviously it wasn't working with his measly five fingers.  Anyway, Ivy League, watch out.  You're in for a treat in 15 years or so.
• I dunno, I'm tapped.  I hope we all make it through the week unscathed.